Just a Child

When I was younger, around the age of seven, my father told me “I am an adult, you are just a kid. I am always right, and you are always wrong.”
Although it didn’t have a great impact on me at that time in my life, lately I have realized that it is something that has put a great burden upon me. When I think about it, I can feel hurt deep down inside of me, and I am just starting to feel that hurt now. Years later, I am realizing how that made me feel back then. Back when I must have been blocking out my feelings from trauma, etc.

But I am not writing this for others to pity me. I am not writing this for others to pity themselves. I am writing this, to share the overall outcome of my experience. I am not just a child. I never was, and never will be. Nor will you be, or your child (if you choose to have children), or your child’s child (if they choose to have children).

I have gained strength from what my father once said to me. I have learned to never be weak, yet always be slightly vulnerable, for it is always good to be at a peaceful balance. But, with control of that balance, for you must always be in control of your own life.

Whether you are a child yourself, an adult, or a senior, it is important to always remember: never let anyone tell you. Never let anyone tell you what ? Well, that is for you to answer.
Thank you for reading.
Lindsay Pearl

Janis for Halloween!!

I didn’t have to do too much.  Just roll a fake joint, and find those glasses.. which I might add.. are impossible to find not online.  I could only find them on Ebay and I don’t really order online too much.  But then I saw them in the halloween store when I was getting my original costume (which was just a plain ol’ hippie.).. and then I saw those and was like.. yep, Janis for Halloween.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Music Worth Sharing!

I had NO IDEA that Milla Jojovich was a musician, or yet… How amazing she is!  Some of her music is kinda stupid pop.. but then she has this weird psych shit.. and it’s like, holy jesus what am I witnessing ?

Ahhhh, Michael Franti!  I LOVE YOU.  He is so amazing, I can’t even tell you how much this man makes me smile.  Such good, positive, and sexiful music!

 

I found these guys the other week.  They are a Japanese Psychedelic rock band.  Kind of crazy.  Of course… they were riding the wave of the 70′s… but they still are pretty sweet.  They are now known as Speed, Glue & Shinki.  If ya wanna look em’ up.

 

Ah jesus, Joni Mitchell.  Why have I only just begun to know you ?  Seriously.. What took me so long to become in love with the beautiful wonders of this woman?  Oh god.

 

This boy makes me shiver.

 

Bert Jansch.. rest in peace you lovely soul.  Amazing.  That is all I can really say.

 

Jethro Tull never disappoints.  So yum.  That flute solo is a killer.

 

Oooooooooooooo, Alex Harvey WOO.

 

 

What You See in the Mirror…

are you looking at your reflection?
or are you the reflection that is being looked at?  There is no true answer, unless you create it for yourself.  You can only believe what you choose to believe, therefore, is everything else false?  Or, is it possible that reality has nothing to do with how you think?  Does what you think really matter to anyone?  And what does matter to yourself, is there a possibility that it is not true?

In the words of Rene Descartes “Then I examined with attention what I was, and I saw that I could pretend that I had no body and that the world  and the place where I was did not exist, but that, in spite of this, I could not pretend that I did not exist.”

And all I can really do with that is leave it to you to interpret yourself.  You see, though it is simple, life is only what you make it to be; and it seems that some people just do not get that concept.  Though it is just that, do I even understand it to the full extent?  You could easily say that everything I am writing in this post is all gibberish.  But then who would be in the wrong, and who would be in the right?  And is there exactly a reason to have to determine this?

 

Simple.  Thank you.
Peace, Love, & Mother fucking Doves,
Lindsay Pearl

Dramatic Theatre

Said in the most pathetic British accent possible.
This, is the beginning of my school year.  Today was the first day of Shambtard.. and I can honestly say, I have never been so excited to go to school before.  I just love it there.  Besides the fact that there are only three people in my grade, and I only have one friend at school now, I must say that Shambie is my home.  I walk into that school, I feel accepted, and I feel as if I can completely just be myself.  All of the teachers are amazing, and you know what.. we go on so many damn field trips, we hardly ever have class!  At least once a day we skip some kind of class to do something fun it seems.

Next week, my class & another two classes are going camping for three days!  When I went to Shambie for the first year, and I went on this annual camping trip.. I vowed to never go again.  But you know what; I find over the summer I have really found peace with this Earth.  Before, I didn’t want to get dirty, and I didn’t want to be in a small confined tent, and there was no fucking way that I’d be sleeping under the stars.  But now, I feel so much more connected with our mother, and I think that that is just wonderful.

Anyways, I just wanted to do a small little recap of my life in the last few weeks.. or, I guess, day.  lol.
I am starting another blog for more stupid-ish blogs.  Kind of like this post.  I kind of want to keep this blog specifically for meaningful posts now, instead of just stupid “I did this today” kind of shit.  So, with that.. You can click here to view the blog!

Peace, Love, & Lovely White Doves to ya
Lindsay

Current Situations = Kick in the ass

I don’t know if it’s a mid-teenage life crisis or what,
but it seems everything is just starting to begin the now.  I mean, mostly my life is to my satisfaction.  And that I am truly grateful for.  But it seems relationships wise – things are really fucking up bad.  And I don’t just mean a boyfriend.  I mean like every different type of relationship you can have.  I am not going to come on here and write about every single person I’ve had a falling out with.  But it just seems that lately, I have been falling out with a few people that I really don’t want to fall out with.
I mean, so many things are holding me back from what I truly want in life.  And I know, I know… what makes me so special that I think I don’t have to wait for things just like everyone else?  Well, nothing makes me so special because I never said that is the way I thought of myself.  I just truly am annoyed with the current situations I have to deal with, just like probably every other teenage girl out there.  Normal shit, but it’s my blog so I’m allowed to complain.
Age.  My age is my worst enemy.  If there’s one thing I could ever change about myself, it would not be my weight, it would not be my face, and it would not be my family.. it would be my age.  I swear to god, it just holds me back from fucking everything.  Love, Artistry (aka my music), Work, etc.  It just totally fucks me over.  And again, this is another “Typical teenage situation”.  We all want to be older, I know.  And there is nothing that singles me out.  I just need to vent, I guess.
People say that when I hit my 30′s.. life is really just gonna take a turn.  I am going to wish that I was a teenager again, and that I would have done things differently.  You know what I say to those people?  A big fuck off.  Not only do they have no idea what the fuck goes on in my head, but I am not them.  They may have wished when they were 30 that they were teenagers again, but I am not them.  I do not, and will not have the same experiences.  Not everyone is negative when they hit the age of 30.  I mean, I’m totally being extremely negative right now.. lolol, but I’ve had a rough day, what can I say?

School is starting on Wednesday.  I am so fucking excited I can’t even express it to you.  Not only is my school one of my favourite places on Earth (not because I get to learn.. I really couldn’t give a fucking shit about learning.  I just love the teachers, and the family we have), but it’ll be nice to finally do something with my days!  I mean, I could have done things everyday of the summer instead of sitting home doing nothing, but of course being me I procrastinate and never do anything at all during summer.  Which you know what, I’ve kind of come to terms with that and I really don’t give a shit.  When I get my license and have my own car, I’ll be able to go wherever I want when I want and not have to depend on other people to take me where I want to go.  Not blaming my lazyness on others, I’m just saying.. I hate depending on other people.
Anyways, this blog was kind of a mind fuck of pointlessness.  So, I’ll let you poor poor reader go.  ;)
Peace, Love, and MOTHER FUCKING Doves to ya,
Lindsay Pearl.

To Dread or not to Dread ?

For months I have been contemplating getting dreads.  I think they are so beautiful on a girl, (on a guy too!  lol, that’s kind of my ‘type’, though I don’t exactly like to say I have a type.)  I just, am so confused because I am so in love with my hair the way it is.  But then I go on youtube and watch all of these videos with girls talking about their dreads and showing different ways of styling and putting pretty beads in them and I just get so jealous!  I want them!  And though I do want them very very much, I just can’t do it.  If I make my whole head into dreads, I swear to god it will take me at least 20 years to grow back the hair I now have if I ever wanted to get rid of the dreads.  And that my friends, is just too long for me to wait.

Onto another topic of dreading… school.  Some dread it, and some just fuckin love it.  I am one of the ones who is totally in love with going back to school.  And though my personal opinions and views do not match up with those of any type of schools, I do love going and seeing all of my friends.  What do I mean by ‘And though my personal opinions and views do not match up with those of any type of schools’  Well, personally I do not believe in sending a child to school for 7+ hours a day to sit between four walls, learning things that they really don’t have a choice to learn or not to learn; while everything that they are learning is sometimes not true or total biased opinions.  And though my school is probably the greatest fucking school that has ever been graced upon this Earth… there are still some things we learn that I just totally don’t agree with.  And no, I’m not saying I totally don’t agree with them because I just don’t like them, or think they have nothing to do with my future plans; I just really do not agree with brainwashing so many communist and typical views into children’s brains.  If I ever have children (which I hope to!), I will not be sending them to school.  But you know what.. I really have no idea what I would really do about that when it came down to it because I want my kid to have an amazing social life and beautiful lifelong friends, and usually school is where you meet those people.  If I home schooled my child, they most likely wouldn’t make too many friends.  And that is the sad part of it all.  Ohhh, what to do what to do!!  But I will deal with those matters when the time comes.

For now, I give you Peace, Love, and Beautiful white winged Doves!
Love, Passion and Psychedelic Beings,
Lindsay Pearl.
P.S. – Isn’t the girl in the photograph above one of the most beautiful ladies ever?  Oh my.   

Energia Negativa

Lately, my life has been surrounded with negative Energy. And though I’d like to say that I can blame it all on myself, and that it is quick to change, it’s not. There are a few select people in my life that are constantly exploding with negative Energy, and it is just now that I am truly realizing how sickening it really is. I don’t know what to do! I mean, I am totally stuck in between two walls here. I am mostly focusing on one person, because the others, they are somewhat quick to change; but the one person I am specifically talking about, I feel as if I can’t tell them that they need to stop being so negative around me. I mean for god sakes, I have just realized myself how not to be negative; I really do not need someone who is going to just totally kill everything I’ve just discovered and worked at.So here’s an example of what happened today, and the inspiration for this blog.

We were sitting in the car at an intersection during a red light, and there is this woman walking across the street. So, Tim (let’s just call the person Tim, no gender specifications, but i’m gonna say he.) looks at her and says “Oh, I hope I’m never as unhappy and dreadful looking as her when I’m that old. I hope my face isn’t all shagged like hers from smoking and stuff.” And I said to Tim, “What makes you so sure that she is unhappy?” trying my best to turn it around so that Tim could actually see a positive side in his already negative judgmental state.  But there was no turning around because Tim just kept on going with his rude and awful comments.  Tim then continued to say “Well, she surely doesn’t look happy, I don’t know what you are seeing.”  And I just said to Tim, “Well I was’t seeing anything, because I had no interest in judging her.”  And then Tim instantly got angry with me, because I totally just proved him wrong.  And that wasn’t my goal.  I have no interest in being the ‘bigger person’ or ‘winning’.  I was just trying to make a valid point.  Of course, Tim didn’t get it.  But that whole car ride home, Tim was negative about everything.  He wasn’t negative before he said that; but as soon as he judged someone, negative energy was instantly swiped into our car and through our bodies.

I tried my best to block it out.  I really did.  But it seemed as if there was no turning back until I got out of that car and away from him.  And that’s the sad thing.  I mean, not only was I completely trapped in someone else’s negative mess, but it wasn’t a situation where I could just walk away from it.  I kind of had to stay in the car.

I really have no idea what to do about this.  I mean, I guess I could ask around, maybe go see a counselor or something (although I really do not believe in paying money to get help when you can easily just talk to someone who you already know and trust in.)  But either way, I need to do something about this because Tim is really starting to bring me down.  Not only does Tim judge random people he doesn’t even know, but everytime I wear something that I feel beautiful in, Tim always seems to have something negative to say about it.  I mean, I do agree, some of the things I wear are a little bit too revealing, and show a little too much bra; but some of the things Tim says to me really really hurt me, and I really don’t need that negative energy around me.

Anyways, I’m going to get off of here and go to bed.  Thanks for Reading. ♥
Peace, Love, and motherfucking Doves to ya,
Lindsay

When somebody dies…

I believe their soul moves onto another being,
whilst their mind and spirit continues to belong to them. They still have the ability to think, and basically live in another dimension. My beliefs seem to come from a variety of different sources, and I personally think that is kind of cool. I mean, some people just stick to the cliche “Everybody goes to heaven” and that’s it. Of course, that has a bit to do with religion.. and I promised myself that while writing this blog I wouldn’t get into religion.  So, back to beliefs; what are yours?  Just kind of think about it.  Do you believe that there is an afterlife?  And if so, what kind of afterlife do you believe in?  Personally, I believe in dimensions.  The way you can picture dimensions is like a huge stair case.  I don’t exactly know which dimension humans are in, but I think that when we die, we step up to the dimension above humans.  I believe that we are soul-less once we die, because our soul carries onto another being; yet we still have the ability to think and have a spirit.  I mean, in some cases we kind of turn into our spirit in the human world.

This may sound ridiculous to you, because really, everybody has their own specific beliefs.  But this is my blog, so it’s your choice to read or not to read.

Today, my aunts greatest friend Bob passed away.  The pain that she is feeling, really, I cannot understand it.  I have never had a best friend die, so there is no way for me to feel her pain.  I want to hug her, but I feel so emotionless.  I feel so awful for her, and for the rest of his family.  I want to comfort her, but, I just don’t understand how to.  I wish I did.  And I don’t know why I don’t.

I guess what I’d like to say before closing this blog is never take anything for granted.  I mean really.  I do it all the time.  When I get mad at someone I call them a whore, (not to their face but when I hang up the phone or behind their backs, hahaha.), and that is not ok.  I’m going to stop doing that because if someone close to me ever dies and the last thing I said about them was that they were a whore, I’m gonna feel real fucking bad.  And though I know they would know I did love them, it still would really kill me inside.

Death is such an interesting thing.  I can’t say that I’m not afraid of dying.  I really am.  I’m not afraid of the pain (if there is any), but I just really don’t ever want my life to end.  I’m sure I’ll think differently by the time I’m 80.. but I just want to love all of my life, and be happy.  I don’t ever want to not experience those things on this Earth.  And though I’m sure that when I do die.. there will be some form of love, and definitely happiness; I just don’t feel it would be the same.

So remember that.  Love everyone like it’s your last time loving them, cause you just don’t know.
Peace, Love, and mother fucking Doves to ya,
Lindsay

I am going to compose…

The greatest piano piece I have ever written.
I have already composed the base of the tune, and in about a week, with enough effort.. it should be completely complete and the greatest piano piece to ever come from my soul and fingers.

What does it take to compose for me? Well, a really heart felt feeling. I mean, when I sit at the piano.. I am not just sitting there. I am transforming into a completely different being, and really, there is no way to escape it until the piece is completely finished. I have never really taken the time to sit down and write a full piece, but I think by doing this it will release a lot of anger and sadness I may have inside. You see, music is my way to feel. And by composing music, I let go of all the things I have kept inside for so long. No, this is not a sob story. It is just the truth, and I feel I have the right to share it on my own blog. My music, is what keeps me believing, it is what gets me up every morning, and it is what makes me who I am today. There is nothing in my life that I love more than music; and there most likely never will be. Of course, there is going to be that one person that I really fall in love with, and if I ever have children of course I am going to love them more than anything. But music, that is just a completely different love all together. Music is what completes me. I have the greatest gift in the world. I am just so fucking lucky to be a musician. And many others are too.

You know, I don’t even really play piano. I took lessons when I was like eight. But I hate lessons, cause I hate people telling me what to do… so I quit. And though I am not a quitter, this just had to be done. So anyways, now I can learn a song by watching someone else play it. And then once I’ve got it down, I put my own feel to it and make it music instead of just copying someone else. So when I begin to compose a piece like what I am beginning now…. the feeling I get is unreal. It’s like, I feel so fucking accomplished, you know?

Thanks for reading whores.
Lindsay