Hey everyone. It’s been a while. To be honest, I’ve just been working really hard at making something happen in my career that is truly meaningful and relevant. It’s been a hard two years. With leaving my band back in Nova Scotia who were becoming successful, to moving to a city in Ontario where there is a small music scene, yet still, barely anyone knows who I am almost two years later – it’s not an easy feeling. All of this is based on my own efforts, yes – but for the last two years I have been trying to re-discover myself. I have been lost for a while both spiritually and musically and only now am I starting to finally get a grip of what I want and who I really am.
When I moved to Ontario I had all of these plans and I was on some sort of tip where I had it in my head I’d be known in Toronto by the end of the first year living here. When I got here, I realized that Halifax is SO much smaller than Toronto that I truly had no idea what I was even thinking about. I instantly allowed myself to become depressed, and then I found Honey Jam. Honey Jam really helped me last year in remembering WHY I moved to Ontario… but as soon as the summer of Honey Jam was over – so was my happiness. I allowed myself to let go of the high “you can do it” feeling I had during Honey Jam and just feel into a state of confusion. This happened because during Honey Jam it was events, conferences, artist talks, ect. and ONE song. That was it. There was no artist development musically, it was all about the business. Which don’t get me wrong… it was a phenomenal and needed experience for me and I’d be nowhere without it today – but when it came to my musical development, I had completely left it to the wayside. So, when Honey Jam was over – there I was.. left wondering what the hell it was I was supposed to do now.
I tried a few different avenues – working with a producer, trying to create “mainstream music” out of my soulful sounds.. it didn’t pan out for reasons outside of my control – but when I lost my producer, I truly lost myself. I tried so hard for months to find someone to work with me because I thought I needed it. I thought that I couldn’t make GOOD music without a producer behind the board adding great beats & more. Still to this day I WANT a producer, but I’ve come to a stronger realization through a conversation with a really nice man and producer named Daniel Goldstripes. He advised me that I don’t need a producer and that I need to just do my OWN thing. This reminded me that I always have done my own thing… but in the last two years I worked myself up so bad that it wasn’t good enough, that I forgot how good I actually am, and I truly forgot HOW TO DO MY OWN THING!
So, I want to put a huge thank you out there to Daniel Goldstripes. He really woke me up over a simple instagram DM conversation.
Since that conversation I have had two gigs. Now let me be honest with you.. for the last 2 years I have played gigs and felt absolutely AWFUL during and after them. I’d have moments where I remembered what it felt like to be happy on stage because its where I belong, but for the most part.. I just had it in my head that I was no longer as good as I used to be. During these last two gigs and since that convo, I have truly changed. What has sparked inside of me is the realization that I actually am really good, I just need to practice and write more music. I need to stop relying on others to make my career happen and I need to make it happen for myself. I have always known this, but for some time I ignored it and TRULY thought that I NEEDED a producer on my music to make it anywhere. I was wrong.
Now – not only am I feeling and DOING better at gigs – I am going to be my own producer. I am learning how to produce as we speak and I am currently in the works of getting some basic studio EQ so I can finally get a proper EP done BY MYSELF. Every time I work with someone else it never pans out and I’m tired of it. It is time to do it myself. I’ve been promoting, booking gigs, running this website, touring & more for over 10 years. I CAN do it, I just have never tried because I always thought I needed SOMEONE ELSE. I don’t. I really really don’t.
With that, I want to put a thank you out there to Rafik Gurguis for having me at the 4th year of LIVESTOCK NIAGARA on September 8th. Please see HERE for details.